Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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