One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Can I color on your dick again?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
