The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
