When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
