my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
