I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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