I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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