Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
