If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
