I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
