my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
