I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
