Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
