He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
