I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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