During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
