I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
