so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
