My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
