Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
