wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
