OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
