Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
