Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
A+ Viking dick
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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