Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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