Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
