conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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