At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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