How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
