Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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