I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
