I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
