I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
