I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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