he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
40s are totally the cure
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
