overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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