she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
