why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
