thus making me awesome and them whores
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
