So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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