just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
