Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
