My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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