What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
