im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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