I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
