I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
