Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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