I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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