It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I look better un-naked...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Randomize
