my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
