its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
