Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
