pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
