Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
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