You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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