He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
