Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
