Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
