Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
