The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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