need another drink. this is the easiest way
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Randomize
