is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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