you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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