If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
