I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
