my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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