i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
bring money and cleavage
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
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Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
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I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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