It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
